Mother....

When I held my son for the first time, all bets were off and I realized that I would be wearing my heart on the outside of my body for the rest of my life because he WAS my heart.  I never knew I could feel such sweet and unconditional love and that one little person could bring so much meaning to everyday life.  From the day I found out I was pregnant, Connor has been my world and being his mommy is the biggest honor in the world.  I am blessed to be able to call him my son.

This past Easter, Kieran and I watched the Passion of the Christ for the second time ever.  This was the first time I have watched it as a mother myself, and I found myself weeping even harder than I had the first time, when I thought of Mary and the pain and agony she must have felt watching her son be crucified.  I can't even begin to imagine how excruciatingly difficult it was to witness her son's death, but she endured it with pure grace all because of the love she had for her son and and her undying faith in God.  Mary was never selfish.  She accepted her calling and her son's calling.  She never questioned Jesus' role in our salvation even though it meant she would have to experience utter heartbreak on that dreadful Friday.  Mary reminds me that being a mother is one of life's most precious gifts and that it should never be taken for granted.  We have a responsibility as mothers to teach our children of God's love through our example of faith and perseverance.  Not only must we talk the talk, but we have to walk the walk.

When I think of my own mother, I think of a strong woman who has taught her children never to give up and to always look to the Lord for guidance to life's trials.  She has always been an example to us of what it means to be a faithful servant.  Her faith inspires me to trust in God's greater plan and to never question His love for me and my family.  Thank you Mom for being a great teacher!

This Mother's Day, I reflect on lyrics in the song "Gentle Woman".  The song teaches us of the Mary's love for her child and her undying devotion to teaching us all about God's love.  I share the song with you!  Happy Mother's Day to all the amazing mommies out there!  Click on the youtube link to hear the song play.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMeW_z7ycvQ&feature=related

Gentle Woman

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you.

Blessed are you among women and blest is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of death. Amen

Gentle woman, quiet light, morning star, so strong and bright

Gentle mother, peaceful dove, teach us wisdom, teach us love.

You were chosen by the Father, you were chosen for the Son.

You were chosen from all women, and for woman, shining one.

Blessed are you among women, blest in turn all women too.

Blessed are they with peaceful spirits, blessed are they with gentle hearts.

a child critically injured. help.

A dear friend of mine from my hometown posted this on her blog.  I can't even begin to imagine the pain this family is in.  Please pray for Blake's recovery and strength for his family.  If you feel so inclined, there is info at the bottom of the post, as to how we can all help.  May God bless you friends and may we hug and hold our children a little tighter tonight!

Dear Friends,

A child in my hometown community was critically injured when he was struck by a car. Please read his story:

On Wednesday April 27th, 8 year old Blake from Bonsall was out in the neighborhood with his parents and 3 brothers, 2, 3 ½ and 5. His 5 yr old brother Mason was chasing him on his scooter when Blake lost control down a hill. He was hit by an oncoming car and dragged 20 feet. His brother and parents witnessed the horror.
His father Richard dragged him out from underneath the car and held him until the paramedics came. Richard and Tiffany watched in agony while the paramedics tried to stabilize him. He was airlifted to Rady’s Children’s Hospital shortly after.
Blake is currently out of surgery from the broken femur and elbow, but in critical condition., semi-coma and a small hole in his brain to decrease the swelling. He has facial fractures and a punctured lung. Doctors are cautiously optimistic about brain damage. Only time will tell the extent of his brain injury.
The Cornish Family needs your prayers and financial assistance to get through the coming months and pay Blakes overwhelming medical bills. Please consider a donation of any amount, large or small, or gift cards for groceries, gas to get back and forth to San Diego, diapers for Brady whose only 2. One last request, please email this message to as many people as you know. Together, we can make something happen for Blake.
An account has been set up at Pacific Western Bank in Bonsall for Blake Cornish. You can also mail your donation or get well card to:
PO BOX 337, BONSALL, CA 92003

Please, please, please help this family. Skip your Starbucks this week and send something. Even $5 will help them. Also, please pray for him daily. I'll keep you updated.

An Angel Above Us

     Easter is my favorite time of year because of the meaning behind the season and the new life that spring brings.  This year though, Easter is even more special because it will be the birthday of my beautiful late Grandmother Dolores, or as my family affectionately referred to her, our Big Gram.  She was an exquisite woman who lived with passion and a zest for life.  She was wise and patient and I cherish the memories of our conversations together.  She put her heart into everyone and everything that she loved and was not afraid to stand her ground.  She was stubborn but loving, stern but fair and conservative but accepting.  I fondly remember our weekly lunch dates together after Connor was born.  They are my most favorite memories.  To see her hold and snuggle with my baby brought an amazing amount of joy to my heart. Gram had a way of making everyone feel special.  She could make all of your troubles magically disappear when you were with her.  She was always there for me and my family and was a tremendous support and encouragement as I ventured through the journey of motherhood.  Her infectious smile and the twinkle in her eyes lit up the room and her laugh tickled my heart.  She was a strong woman who fought until the end.  She never gave up on the ones that she loved...I believe she is still fighting for all of us from her place in the sky.  Losing her was one of the most painful experiences of my life and I can honestly say that a little piece of my heart died along with her on the day of her death.  She was not only a grandmother but a dear friend who has forever changed my heart and the way that I live my life.  I am so thankful that Connor got to spend time with his beloved Great Nanny and that he still remembers her, I pray he never forgets.  I know that he will be a better person for knowing her. I know that I am.  I wanted to share something I wrote to read to my grandmother in her last days, it will give you a better picture of this amazing woman:

I'll always remember how you made me your special pancakes  when I had sleepovers at your house.
I'll always remember how you fell asleep with the t.v.  on.
I'll always remember watching you sit at your vanity doing your hair and thinking how beautiful you were.
I'll always remember how it amazed me that a woman so small could snore so loudly!
I'll always remember how you always had an ear to listen and arms to hug.
I'll always remember how you were so generous with everything you had.
I'll always remember how you loved to laugh.
I'll always remember your strength.
I'll always remember how your face lit up when you talked about your children.
 I'll always remember how proud you were  to share that you had 14 grandchildren with a total stranger.
I'll always remember how excited you became with the birth of each new great- grandchild.
I'll always remember how your house smelled of coffee and cookies.
I'll always remember how you had faith.
I'll always remember how you lived for your family.
I'll always remember how you encouraged me to be myself.
I'll always remember how you took the time to let me know that you cared.
I'll always remember how  you  spoke your mind.
I'll always remember how you welcomed  everyone into your family.
I'll always remember how proud I was to be your granddaughter.
I'll always remember how much you loved me.
I'll always remember how much I love you.

Gram, I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU.

With that Gram, I wish you a truly Happy Birthday!  You are forever loved, forever missed, and always remembered!  Thank you for being our Angel above and watching out for us all!

Here are a few pictures of the special lady!

 

  

This is a tough one...

     So I have been working on this blog post for about a month.  Trying to evaluate whether or not I want to open up and share this intimate struggle with the world. I have always been scared that if I talked about this with the world....that would be it and this struggle would be for real.  I guess I had always hoped it was a bad dream and that one day I would wake up and things would be different.  I finally made the decision though to publish this post in the hope that sharing my story might touch someone else's heart that has been given similar circumstances, so here goes.

      As some of you already know, for the last four years of our lives, Kieran and I have been struggling to have another child. I have some fertility issues and am unable to conceive naturally. We have tried various invasive fertility treatments and I have had surgeries to try and correct the problems, but unfortunately we have been unsuccessful in all of our attempts. We had always known how special our Connor was, but recently we came to learn what a miracle he truly is.

     For many years, I was very angry with the cards God had dealt me. I couldn't understand why we couldn't have more children when there were women out there everyday who didn't want or necessarily deserve the babies that they had. I felt as if I was a failure as a woman. I became very jealous of expectant mothers and felt as if every pregnant woman out there was a threat against me personally. I isolated myself from my pregnant friends and am truly embarrassed to say that I acted like a jealous child.

     Kieran and I explored adoption but decided that it wasn't necessarily what was right for our family. We explored more drastic infertility treatments as well, but came to the conclusion that being devout Catholics, we didn't feel like we could put ourselves in a situation where we might have to compromise our beliefs or values.

     Kieran handled the news of our infertility much better than I did. Maybe it was the guilt and failure I felt about my body being the cause of our struggles, or maybe it was my deep desire to have a large family, but whatever the reason I fell into a deep depression. I was sad that I wasn't able to give Connor a sibling and hoped that Kieran and I would be enough for him.  I lost myself in my own despair and searched for answers and reasons as to why.  I constantly prayed that the Lord would bless us with another child but never trusted that He had a greater plan for our lives.

     Last spring, I found myself faced with the decision of whether or not I could endure another round of infertility treatments . One Sunday, I was in mass and listening to my favorite priest speak about how we must accept the circumstances we are given and have faith in God's plan. I can't remember the exact words that Father George spoke, but they hit me so deeply that I felt myself asking God "Why have you forsaken me?" At the exact moment I asked God the question, I felt this overwhelming sense that God had wrapped His arms around me and was telling me that everything was going to be okay.  I wept very openly in church (to my husband's great confusion) and came to the realization that God had answered my prayers, just not in the way I had planned. He had given me the most beautiful son, an amazingly adoring husband, a family that truly loves and supports me and a job that I absolutely love.  On our drive home from church, I told Kieran that I felt God and that He had touched my heart and told me that I needed to give my struggles up to Him and just focus on all the blessings I did have in my life and that I needed to stop focusing on what wasn't.   In my sadness I had lost sight of who I was and what I believed in and I had pulled away from the Lord because He hadn't answered my prayer in the way that I wanted.

     In order to find peace in myself and my life, I had to let go of the preconceived plans I had made for our lives. I had always pictured myself covered in children and grandchildren and I literally had to grieve for the death of my hopes and dreams. It was hard to give up control to the Lord, but once I did, I found an inner peace and happiness I can't even begin to describe.  I have actually learned to be thankful for this struggle in that I have grown so much as a Christian.  I have learned that it is only through trials that one's faith is tested and by giving up my wants and needs, I can grow in God's love.

     Now I am not going to lie and say that if I got pregnant naturally, we wouldn't be through the roof excited, but we are trusting that God has bigger plans for us. Maybe there is some greater reason as to why we were only able to have one....I am just trusting that one day I will understand it all. 

     Don't get me wrong, I still have those days when I want to scream at anyone that dares to ask me when I am going to have another.   I have learned that almost everyone has an opinion about what Kieran and I should do next...( i.e. they recommend taking a vacation, going on specific diets,  they tell me I should see their amazing infertility Dr. and my favorite and most popular remedy for my infertility is that they always tell us "just to relax." The people that recommend relaxation as therapy I know have never been humiliated by the sterile treatments of infertility doctors because if they had, they would know that you can't just relax when hyped up on hormones or having to parade and discuss your sex life in front of a whole medical team of doctors and nurses).  In finding peace in myself though, I have learned how to take all their advice in, bite my tongue  and to give it to God.  I know that these people are only trying to help and it makes them feel better to offer an anecdote for my problem...so there is no need for me to feel threatened or angered by their suggestions.  I just need to follow my own heart and know that the decisions I have made are what is right for me and my family and that God has special plans for me.

     Through this struggle I have learned a lot about myself (my weaknesses and my strengths) my marriage, and my friendships.  I had always known I married an amazingly gentle and patient man but I learned just how selfless he is and how unconditional his love for Connor and myself is.  I learned who my real friends are when they demonstrated to me that they were there for me to listen, hold my hand and to just support me by being patient.  I learned that some friendships weren't forever friendships and that our relationships were more superficial.  I learned to be empathetic to other women who were struggling with the same thing and would never have any children of their own. The most important thing that I learned though is how blessed I truly AM.  I am so fortunate to have been able to carry my Connor.  He is a MIRACLE.  God's miracle and I cherish the memory of my pregnancy and his delivery everyday.  He is the most perfect thing I have ever done in my life and God has taught me to appreciate that perfection.

Are Mom Jeans Really that Bad?

I remember in high school swearing with my girlfriends that we would be anything but our mothers when we grew up (I am sorry Mom for admitting this....I love you but I was an impossible teenage girl at the time). We swore we would be "cool" mothers when we grew up and would never give into the comfortable fit of "mom jeans", drive minivans or say the nerdy and retro things our mothers said to us.) While I can say, I still haven't picked up a pair of jeans that I would classify as "mom jeans" or given up my SUV for the ease of automatic doors on a minivan (and believe me friends with minivans, I am jealous of that feature) I find myself repeating my mother's famous words and quoting her on a daily basis.

Case in point, this weekend I was talking to Connor about cleaning up his room. He asked me why he couldn't just wait to clean up his toys until the end of the day when he was all done playing. While in high school, I would have found his argument to be completely acceptable, I found myself channeling my mother and saying, "If you put your toys away in the right place right away after playing with them, it will be much easier for you at the end of the day and the mess won't drive me crazy." I cringed as the words came out of my mouth knowing that I had heard them spoken to me and resented them before but continued to go ahead and say them. In other instances, I have been known to use my mother's famous words: "If you take your time and do it right the first time, you won't have to go back and do it again." I clearly remember my mother saying that to me on several occasions when I did a less than mediocre job completing my chores and at the time, she drove me nuts when she said it. It is only now though that I realize how right she was and as much as I hate to admit it, she had a very good and legitimate point.

For those of you that know my mother, you know that she is a wonderful homemaker and has a gift for organization. Her home is always beautifully kept and is never cluttered. While I resented the rule growing up that my room needed to be clean before I could play with my friends on a Saturday morning, I now understand it and have a tremendous amount of respect for my mom and the way in which she kept her home organized, not to mention raising five children in the process.

While I will never possess my mother's great love for "The Container Store", I do find myself trying to implement all of the organization skills she taught me when growing up. For example, we have a rule in our house that after church on Sunday, we don't go anywhere until the house is clean and organized and the groceries have been bought and put away. You might think it a little extreme, but one of my new year's resolutions this year was to be more organized, therefore this rule has helped us all to keep the house in order and has actually given me more time to enjoy my family on the weekends.

My husband affectionately refers to my mom as "the Colonel". He gave her this name because of her extreme organizational and planning skills and has always joked that "The Mahoneys" run on a tight schedule similar to that of the military. If you know my husband, you know that he is NOT a planner and loves to just go with the flow and relax (he is even famous for his spontaneous catnaps and has been given the nickname "Slow-to-Medium Paced" by his friends.) Maybe it comes from my teacher's instinct and type A personality, but I am very similar to my mother in that I like to plan and know what obligations I have each week. I don't feel comfortable just going with the flow, but as a couple, Kieran and I work well together. I am even flattered when my hubby jokingly refers to me as "the little colonel" because I know it means that I possess traits similar to that of a wonderful woman and homemaker.

I guess in the end what I am saying is thank you Mom. I wish back in high school when I was trying to be rebellious and defiant, I knew half of what you did for me and our family. While my friends and I still probably would have made fun of mom jeans and minivans, we might have taken to heart the advice our moms gave us instead of having to learn it on our own later on.

I love you Mom! (or should I say Colonel?)

What it's all about

The past couple years, God has thrown some curveballs our way and I haven't always been the person I want to be or should be when I react to God's pitches. One morning last summer, I woke up and realized that I had lost sight of myself and who I am. I had taken it upon myself to try and control my life when what I really needed to do was to trust and put my faith in God. Recently, I decided to make some serious changes in my life to get myself back on track with God. I made a checklist describing the kind of person I want to be in order to hold myself accountable. I read my list often and try and evaluate how I am doing and what things I need to work on. I thought I would share my list with you:

I want to be the kind of person that people want to be around.

I want to be positive and lift my friends and family up.

I want to be proud of who I am and what I stand for.

I want to teach my child to be kind through my example.

I want to be a loving wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt and friend.

I want to remember that physical beauty fades and that it is about what is inside that counts.

I want to laugh A LOT.

I want to be a good friend.

I want to have good friends.

I want to encourage those around me.

I want to not be envious of others.

I want to use kind and polite words when speaking to or about others.

I want to wake up everyday and thank God that I am alive.

I want to pray with my family and friends.

I want to turn to the Lord for comfort, support and encouragement.

I want to be a good person.

I want to make a contribution to society.

I want to let go of insignificant hang-ups and materialistic needs.

I want to share smiles.

I want to forget and forgive.

I want to teach my child to have empathy for the less fortunate.

I want to ALWAYS be thankful for what I have in my life.

I want to hug and kiss the ones I love A LOT.

I want to touch the hearts of those I meet.

I want to share Jesus with those that don't know Him.

I want to dance and play everyday.

I want to remember not to dwell on what isn't.

I want to let go of the past.

And Finally...

I want to love HARD, smile ALWAYS and laugh OFTEN!!!

Now what do you want to do??????? I challenge you to make your own list!

A Light and Yummy One for You...

Okay, so I have been pretty heavy on topics the past few posts, so I thought I would include something light and yummy today, and since it is the last day of March, I thought this recipe appropriate.

We don't eat a lot of breads in our family other than wheat sandwich bread, but considering Kieran's Irish upbringing, I have to make Irish soda and Irish raisin breads during the month of March. The problem is that every soda and raisin bread is different and Kieran wanted me to make the kind his mother used to make....no pressure on me =) It's kind of hard to compete with his mother's legendary bread recipes and since she is now an angel watching over us, I couldn't learn from the master. Luckily my sister in law was able to find copies of their mother's recipes but they are somewhat vague and since his sister's don't make the breads, I was on my own. The Irish raisin bread recipe was not a problem to figure out, but the Irish soda bread took much MORE practice. The first time I tried, I am pretty sure the loaf of bread weighed close to 10 pounds and had the consistency of cardboard =).

When we visited Ireland a few years back, I asked Kieran's beloved Aunt Rita how to make soda bread and her answer was "It's a little bit of this and that and then you knead it until it feels right." I am sure a true baker could have figured it out from her directions but a baker....I am NOT. After several attempts though I think I have figured it out. I wasn't able to replicate his mother's soda bread exactly but what I was able to do was combine both his mother's and aunt's recipes and alter them to work for me...and I must say myself, it came out pretty stinkin' yummy. Now if you aren't familiar with soda bread, sometimes it is an acquired taste but we Barrett's love it. It is best served warm (not hot or it will crumble apart) and is exceptionally yummy if you make some honey butter to spread on it.

Ingredients:

1. 4 c. flour

2. 1/4 c. sugar

3. 1/4 c. butter (soft, not melted)

4. 1 tsp. salt

5. 2 tsp. baking powder

6. 3/4 tsp. baking soda

7. 1 egg

8. 1 1/2 c. buttermilk

9. regular milk for basting

Directions:

1. Mix and sift dry ingredients in a large bowl.

2. Cut butter into slices in and roughly mix in with a spatula

3. Drop in egg and buttermilk

4. Mix (I use my hand mixer on low for a very short time just to get the mixing process started. The batter is really heavy, so you don't want it to get too wrapped up in the heads of your mixer.)

5. Spray a baking sheet with cooking spray (butter flavor is best)

6. Transfer dough to sheet and knead into a round loaf (makes a complete and utter mess so it's best to flour your hands first)

7. With a knife, cut a cross going on top of bread going completely over sides so that bread will not crack while baking.

8. With a little milk, use a basting brush and coat the top of loaf (I repeat this about half way through cooking time just to keep it moist)

9. Bake for 45 min to 1 hour (my oven is 50 minutes) in a preheated 370 degree oven.

10. Let it cool for a few minutes before serving. Serve warm with honey butter. Yummy! Keeps best if you wrap it tightly in press-n-seal or saran wrap and then wrap in a brown paper bag (a trick of the true Irish ladies! =))

Something to Complain About...

Recently, I met a mother of four that I want to tell you about. We will name her Jane for the sake of my story. When I first met Jane months back, she was pregnant with her fourth child. Every time I ran into her she seemed to be upset about something. We were just aquaintances, but I kind of felt that she was angry and honestly, I just tried to avoid her and the negative energy that she exuded. I couldn't figure out what she had to be upset about because what I knew of her was that she had three beautiful children, she was about to have her fourth, and she had a loving husband. For awhile I thought maybe she was just an unhappy pregnant woman, but her moods didn't really change after she had the baby back in December. I was never rude to her, I just didn't know how to talk to her. I would always smile when I saw her and try and keep the topics of our conversations light and easy. She never complained about anything, she just never smiled.

A couple days ago though, I learned that there is a very good reason for Jane's sadness and anger. I learned that her husband is very ill with a rare and terminal DNA disease. She has been told to prepare her children to say goodbye to him and that he has only months to live. Because of her husband's illness and his inablity to work for over a year, he lost his job, they fell behind in their bills and lost their house last fall. The worst part of it though is that her four year old son is exhibiting symptoms of the same genetic disease that her husband is dying from and they are waiting the results of her son's test.

When I heard this story. I simply wept and felt awful for the way I had avoided learning more about this woman and had only wanted to have a "surface" friendship with her. I now look at Jane as amazingly strong. As I said before, I have never heard her complain . I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through and my heart breaks for her and her family. I see how strong she is trying to be for the sake of her children, but I am sure she is overwhelmed with fear and saddness.

Hearing Jane's story made me think about the importance of a smile. While there is not much I can do for Jane and her family but pray for them or bring them a meal, I can share a smile with her and be there to listen if she ever wants to vent. I know even when I myself, feel deep sadness, I find smiles to be contagious. I can't resist smiling back when a stranger or friend shares their smiles with me. Maybe by showing Jane a little bit of kindness and compassion it will bring a little warmth to her day.

I am sharing this story with you all for two reasons:

1) To ask you to pray for Jane and her family that they will find peace with this awful situation. Pray that her husband's final days will be comfortable and peaceful, that Jane will find peace and the strength she needs to make it through such dark days and that God willing, her son's test results will come back negative.

2) The other reason I share this with you is that I ask you to reflect on the kindness or "smiles" that you share with strangers or "surface" friends. These are the people with whose story we are unfamiliar and it might just be that they need an ear to listen or smile to warm their day. We never know how much that can mean to someone who is drowning in saddness and despair.

God's Perfection

God doesn't make mistakes. Sometimes this is a hard concept for us to accept, but each and every person that He creates is perfect in His eyes. I see God's perfection when I look at my niece Erin Maddigan. For those of you that don't know Erin, let me tell you a little bit about her. Erin is six years old and was born with a neurolgical condition called lissencephaly. Lissencephaly, or smooth brain as it is sometimes called, is a rare brain formation disorder (to learn more about it visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lissencephaly.) This condition affects Erin's gross motor and fine motor skills, as well as her speech and mental cognition and is the cause of a number of Erin's other serious medical conditions. She is unable to walk, talk, feed herself, and use the restroom like most typical 6 year old children are able to do. Erin has undergone several surgeries in her six years and overcomes great obstacles everyday. Her parents, my sister, Meghan and her husband Tom, are the most perfect parents for their precious Erin. They have dedicated their lives to Erin and helping her to be the healthiest and happiest child she can be. She and her three year old brother Brendan, are the apples of their parents' eyes and their whole world revolves around helping their children to thrive.

I aspire to be the kind of selfless parents Meghan and Tom are. Never once have I heard them complain about the difficulties that they sometimes encounter when raising a child with special needs. For example, because of Erin's condition she has a hypersensitivity to sound and thrives on routine. When faced with excessive noise or a variation in her routine, she often becomes upset and can be extremely difficult to soothe or comfort. Meghan and and Tom have adjusted their lives to accomodate and exceed these special needs. They rarely leave her and never have time alone as a couple together. They are unable to take well-needed and extremely deserved vacations and they always consider Erin first when making plans. Many parents might see these obstacles as burdens, but Meghan and Tom take everything in stride and handle every situation with pure grace. Because of their unconditional love and devotion to their beautiful Erin, she is a truly amazing child. To watch Erin interact with her parents (and vice versa) is a true example of God's love. Erin lights up at the sounds of their voices and smiles her infectious smile when they sing or dance around with her. They focus on being positive and never wallow in the difficulties of the cards they have been dealt.

When I see Erin and her parents together, I am reminded of how simple and precious life is. As a society, we place so much emphasis on our physical appearances and fancy toys that we get lost in the superficialness of it all. Meghan, Tom, Erin and Brendan have more difficult lives than most of us. They have to weigh the consequences of each and every action they take and determine how their actions will affect sweet Erin. Somehow though, through it all, they have managed to make their lives beautifully simple. They know what it is to love and appreciate the blessings God has given them.

I think God made the perfect family in the Faturs. Often times people pity the families/parents of children with special needs in that they only see the hardships that they endure, but I see nothing but a match made in Heaven (literally) when I think of their family. Meghan, Tom and Brendan celebrate the uniqueness of their special angel Erin and touch the lives and hearts of everyone they meet. God had a special plan when he brought the four of them together and I am truly honored to know and love the Fatur Family.

In a Child's Eyes....

This past week has been tough for my whole family. We have said a lot of prayers, shed a lot of tears and just really tried to support one another. Kieran has been a wonderful support to me; holding me when I cry and taking Connor from me when I need a moment alone. For his compassion, I am forever thankful. All of you, my friends, have also been a wonderful encouragement and I truly appreciate all your love, kind words and prayers. We knew this was coming and as much as I thought I had prepared my heart and head, it still hurt losing my grandfather. I have found solace in looking at pictures of my grandfather and Connor and just the simple fact that Connor was able to spend time with his great grandfather is of course, greatly comforting. Perhaps the greatest comfort though is the little man himself.

On Sunday he went with us to my grandparents house so I could say goodbye to my grandfather. We didn't think it appropriate for Connor to actually go in to say goodbye to my grandpa since he was in such a bad state, but he was a wonderful distraction for my Dad who was having a very difficult time that day and just watching Connor run around in the yard cheered us all up. I didn't know how much he understood or whether or not he grasped the severity of the situation, but that night as we were saying prayers he pulled me close and told me not to cry because Pop would soon be at a special party up in Heaven with Jesus. He said there would be lots of presents and cake (of course).

I was touched with how deep and undying his faith was in this difficult time. Wasn't I supposed to be the one explaining things gently to him and shielding him from the heartache of losing my grandfather? His conviction inspired me and reminded me that I hadn't put all of my faith in the Lord. I was scared but knew that I had to let go and trust that God had better plans for my Pop.

I was so proud of my Connor in that moment. I realized that it doesn't matter how old you are, anyone can have faith in our Lord. Each night at bedtime we say our prayers and Connor never forgets to pray for anyone on our prayer list. Case in point, he has been praying for a former colleague of Kieran's who lost his job for over 5 months now, even though we have explained that he found a new job and is doing better. Connor's response is always, "He still needs prayers mom." Isn't that true. We all need prayers. The love and compassion of a child is truly precious. We should all be inspired and encouraged by their large hearts and simple faith. As adults, we are skeptical and over-analyze every situation, if only we could learn to just trust and give control to the Lord our lives would be a lot easier. I don't know about you, but simply thinking of my Pop being at a party up in Heaven is a great reminder of God's love for us and definitely not far from the truth.

Life is Short. Live and love...

So last night my grandfather Rollin Mahoney passed away. He was 91 years old and lost his battle with liver cancer. He is survived by his wife of 65 years and two sons (one being my Dad) We are sad to have lost him but know that he is in a better place and not suffering anymore. He was in hospice care at the end and I can't say enough beautiful things about their process of letting go. He died peacefully in his home surrounded by his wife and sons and all of his beloved model cars.

We had the wonderful opportunity to spend some time with him over the past couple months and created some beautiful memories with him. He died on the eve of his favorite holiday, we like to think just in time to have an Irish whiskey with the angels over Ireland. This post is dedicated to him. Happy St. Patty's Day Pop! We love you and miss you! Slainte!

God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be.So He put His arms around you and whispered “come to me.” With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away. Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest.God broke our hearts to prove to us, He only takes the best