What's A Mother to Do?

So my husband constantly teases me about how paranoid I am when it comes to the safety of our son. I am a mom that takes my son's picture everyday before school so, God forbid, in the event that something happens, I know exactly what he was wearing. I make him wear bright colors to amusement parks and have ingrained in his brain, our phone numbers and address. It doesn't help that I recently went to a seminar about protecting our children which discussed how to safeguard your child from a sexual predator. Immediately after the seminar, I went home and removed all of my son's pictures from my facebook page (hence why you won't see any pictures of him on here.) Taking his pictures down was extremely hard for me to do because, as most of you know, he is the apple of my eye and I love to brag (as any mother does) about all the things he is accomplishing. But in the grand scheme of things, I would be beside myself with grief if anything ever happened to my precious son. There is a lot of good in this world....but there is also a lot of evil out there too.

I know that bad things are going to happen to my son in his lifetime. It is inevitable and a fact of life. I know that I need to put my faith in the Lord and trust that He has a perfect plan for us, but I also feel it is my job to prevent the things that I can from happening. For example, my fair skinned little Irishman wears sunblock to school everyday and gets his vaccinations on schedule. I teach him to look both ways before crossing the street and to never go anywhere with strangers. These are easy things I can do to protect him. But what about when he is out of my supervision? How do I keep myself from developing high blood pressure everyday when I drop him off at school?

Kieran complains that I spend too much on present's for our son's teachers, but I usually turn the tables when he complains and ask him if he wants our son to be one of the teacher's "pets" in the event of a 7.0 earthquake while he is at school. Neurotic? Maybe. All I know is there are 14 other kids in my son's class and only one teacher...who is she going to help first? I am sure a gift card to Nordstrom's isn't going to solidify my son a spot as "teacher's pet" but letting her know we appreciate her investment in our son's academic career couldn't hurt.

My parents live in a rural area with a pool and every time we go to stay there, I explain to my son over and over again why he must never go outside without an adult. Not only have I taught him that he could fall and drown in the pool, I have also taught him that he could get bit by a snake or run into a coyote. Yes....I am that paranoid! I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just want to protect him. With all that being said though, I do worry that my obsessive paranoia will transfer over to my child and cause him to grow up fearful of the world around him. I struggle with how to effectively teach him to be safe without destroying his sweet innocence in the process. So, what is a mother to do? Unfortunately, the scary truth is that there are a lot more dangerous things and people out there nowadays and we have a lot more to worry about when it comes to protecting our kids. But how far should we go to keep our children safe and at what cost? That is the million dollar question!

Biting My Tongue...

I grew up in a conservative small town in a conservative Catholic family, went to a conservative Catholic school and a conservative Baptist college and not to mention, I married a conservative Catholic man...get the picture? I ask you then, how did I end up living in liberal Long Beach? Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Long Beach and the people who live here. I love that my son is growing up exposed to so many different cultures, religions and lifestyles but sometimes, I find my "conservative self" to be too intimidated by my liberal minded peers, to speak my mind.

Growing up, I always spoke my mind. I opened my big mouth on so many occasions that I often look back and cringe at the poorly thought out things that I said. But the point is, I said what I thought and felt back then. Maybe it was a lack of maturity that allowed me to be so vocal about my ideas and opinions or the fact that I was living in a conservative bubble, but whatever it was, I find myself frustrated as a grown-up with how much I filter everything I say. I constantly worry about upsetting anyone with my difference of opinion. Case in point, I have rewritten this post about 20 times trying to find the most effective way to express my point here without offending anyone at all.

All of this makes me wonder? Do I not have enough faith in my liberal-minded friends that they will still accept and love me regardless of my conservative ideals? I accept them and love them even though I don't agree with everything they believe, why would they be any different?

This is something I have been struggling with for awhile. I am not just talking politics here. While I am a registered Republican, I vote for the candidate or policy I believe in and many times, (don't tell my Mom) I have voted with the Democrats. My frustration with my inability to express myself is more so based on the fact that I find myself just nodding my head in agreement to everything everyone else says, so as to not "ruffle any feathers." I feel myself fading into the background sometimes and anyone who knows me well....knows that is not how this "drama mama" likes to roll.

Growing up, I was part of a mother/daughter charity organization that emphasized etiquette. I have fond memories of NCL "mock teas" and of learning how to correctly maneuver myself through a receiving line. While I can't say that I have ever had to use my receiving line skills out in the real world or tap into my knowledge on how to correctly address an invitation to a tea, I have on several occasions, learned how to be politely diplomatic and avoid confrontation. But lately, I find myself wondering, "Am I too polite? Do I come across as fake or robotic?" This is my greatest fear because one of the few traits I have always liked about myself is how passionate I am about the people in my life and the things that I do. Sometimes this passion can be confused as "drama" but nonetheless, it is the real and "raw" me.

So my solution....to start expressing my real and "conservative self" (this blog is part of the process.) I want to share my ideas and experiences with my friends and family so that they know the real me, in all my "conservativeness" (pretty sure I just made up that word but it's my blog so who cares! =)) Hope you enjoy getting to know me!

(I wanted to write "Hope I don't offend you along the way" but am trying to refrain, so I'll just put it in parentheses.)